CALCULUS JOKES

• A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!"

One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!", but for once, his victim's expression didn't change.

Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!"

The new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x." (CALCULUS)

• The functions are sitting in a bar, chatting (how fast they go to zero at infinity etc.). Suddenly, one cries "Beware! Derivation is coming!"
  All immediately hide themselves under the tables, only the exponential sits calmly on the chair.

The derivation comes in, sees a function and says "Hey, you don't fear me?"
"No, I'am e to x", says the exponential self-confidently.
"Well" replies the derivation "but who says I differentiate along x?" (CALCULUS)

• Big party; every possible function is having fun, chatting and drinking

  this evening.

  In an n-dimensional corner e^x stands bitter and alone.  Near the lonely

  one there's a small group of exponential functions, and 2^x within them

  turns to see e^x on it's corner.

  - Hey, e^x, come-on, integrate yourself - Said 2^x pointing to the group.

  - What for - whispers e^x - it makes no difference

• Math and Alcohol don't mix, so...

  PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE

  Then there's every parent's scream when their child walks into the

  room dazed and staggering:

  OH NO...YOU'VE BEEN TAKING DERIVATIVES!!

• The limit as n goes to infinity of sin(x)/n is 6.
  
  Proof: cancel the n in the numerator and denominator.

• In a dark, narrow alley, a function and a differential operator meet:
  "Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
  "Try it - I'm e^x..."
• Same alley, same function, but a different operator:
  "Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
  "Try it - I'm e^x..."
  "Too bad... I'm d/dy."
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