Biologists think they're biochemists.

Biochemists think they're chemists.

Chemists think the're physical chemists.

Physical Chemists think they're physicists.

Physicists think they're God.

God thinks he is a mathematician

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SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

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My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right.

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- GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - -----------------------------------------------------------------

Mathematics is made up of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.

- A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!"

One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!", but for once, his victim's expression didn't change.

Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!"

The new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x." (CALCULUS)

- The functions are sitting in a bar, chatting (how fast they go to zero at infinity etc.). Suddenly, one cries "Beware! Derivation is coming!"

All immediately hide themselves under the tables, only the exponential sits calmly on the chair.

The derivation comes in, sees a function and says "Hey, you don't fear me?"

"No, I'am e to x", says the exponential self-confidently.

"Well" replies the derivation "but who says I differentiate along x?" (CALCULUS)

- Approximately ten excuses for not doing homework:
- I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
- I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
- I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
- I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
- I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
- I couldn't figure out whether I am the square of negative one or I am the square root of negative one.

## 1 comment:

Thanks for the laugh!

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